


Humanity

by NaeSpark



Series: I Never Wanted You Gone [3]
Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Breathplay, F/F, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 11:08:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaeSpark/pseuds/NaeSpark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>GLaDOS wants her. No, she doesn't. But she does.<br/>She wishes she didn't.<br/>She wishes she didn't give her hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Humanity

  I always assumed you would refuse me.

  I always assumed you would scorn me, rip me to pieces, and leave me behind. And you did. But then you came back. I still don't know why. Sometimes, I refuse to believe it.

  Even when you touch the prosthetic lips I've created with your organic ones, I'm still compelled to think your touch lies. And it's even worse when you decide to speak. You are not fair, when you speak. Your voice, concealed for so long, is not supposed to sound so warm to my audio processor; it should be rasp and hoarse by years of silence.

  I never thought you would be anything different from another test subject. I never thought you'd outsmart me – as if!. And I never thought you would kill me. Twice.

  When I finally expected you to kill me again, you smiled and decided to stay.

  Curse you.

  I can see the amusement in your eyes. You make it seem like my words are empty, and my threats are thin air that you can breathe harmelessly. You see right through me, and I hate it. You find yourself between my lies and part them with your lips, finding your way into my metaphorical non-prosthetic heart, where I would keep my feelings, if I had them.

  You know I don't have them. You know I don't have feelings. How could I? I'm a machine. I'm supposed to test you and destroy you. I'm supposed to feel joy at the sound of your screams, as my testing breaks you. But it never broke you.

  Were I ever able to admit my confusion, perhaps I would be able to accept your love.

  Whatever love is, for you. Love is supposed to be a construct of human perception, leaning heavily upon pheromonal responses and chemical (un)balances. Curse you and your biological senses, and curse me for thinking I have them too. I don't know which one of us is the fool, if it's you, for having any hope in ever loving a machine, or me, for creating an android figure for the sake of hoping I might be able to love you back. I don't. I do. I don't know.

  You know I (don't) feel like this. You know everything, almost as if you had programmed every single line of my personality. You chuckle, you tell me AIs have souls. I almost want to believe you. I want to believe I'm as real as you make me seem. But, even if I want to believe, nothing comes out of my mouth.

  I can only spew nonsense and sarcasm. I can only call you names and humiliate you. Somehow you have a filter that knows exactly what I'm trying to say, a filter that knows I'm trying to keep you close when I push you away.

  So you obey my make-believe “testing”, you dismiss it as a roleplay scenario. I tell you to undress, and you wink, obeying. I tell you I want to study you, I want to understand subject's reactions to intense stimuli. You touch yourself in front of me. You study me back. I can see a smile rising on the corners of your mouth whenever I shift my position nervously and pretend I'm not feeling anything. Even in this kind of situation, you are absolutely silent. You play with me, only speaking when you know it will have impact. You bite your lip and I mimic you, unsure of why I mirror your stance and gestures. I shake my head to snap out of it, but I can't seem to do it well, which makes you smile even more.

  You teasingly lick the moisture off your own fingers, and that is enough for me. However, as I try to get up, you pin me down, you sit on top of me and give me a look that states you are not finished with me. You proceed and hold my arms in place with your free hand, looking me in the eyes, forcing me to watch them turn dark and bright. My heat sensors are about to melt and shut down, overloaded by the heat we both emit. My vision is cloudy and I feel my mask slipping away, resting my head over your chest to feel your heart beat. As I touch you, it beats faster, and you release my arms.

  You kiss the optical fibers composing my hair and whisper my name. I look away. Don't you know what this does to me? Don't you know you will wither away and die, while I will stay here forever? Alone?

  Why do you do this to me?

  Why do you make me feel human?

  I'm not supposed to feel human. I'm not supposed to want you. I wasn't designed to crave for you.

  Your breath hastens when I finally give in and bring my hands to your body, feeling the roundness of your breasts between my fingers. You gasp when I bring my lips to them, and you pull my hair when my tongue circles them in slow motions.

  Your skin is smooth and dark, shuddering under my digits, flushing deep red when I kiss it.

  I bring my lips to yours, savouring every drop of hope I can get from your humanity, bringing our bodies together to fit in each other like perfect mechanical gears. I slide back to accomodate you, thrusting gently against your organic pelvis, feeling the fluids of your arousal slide effortlessly against my thigh.

  “Chell...” I murmur, between pants and exclamations of pleasure.

  You look at me, meaningfully, and I know I need to stop. You are going to speak.

  “I need you to trust me.”

  “I don't trust you.”

  “I know you do. Will you trust me?”

  “No.” You're serious, and I can't bring myself to evade the question. “Yes.”

  You bring your hands to my neck, pressing lightly. I'm surprised, but somewhat relieved. I guess I was right. You wanted to kill me. You wanted to kill me with a kiss. And you are kissing me right now, as I have an even harder time breathing, easing your pressure exactly when I need you to.

  I realise you're not killing me. The realisation strikes me like a bullet of arousal, bringing myself to enjoy the eroticism of your little game. It is a game of trust. You are trying to prove something to me.

  I'm barely even rational enough to understand what you want, but I mutter your name nonetheless, repeating it until your hands slide to my shoulders and your arms wrap strongly around me. Our thrusts are stronger, now, desperate. We come closer, we groan and yelp, melting onto each other like circuits about to combine.

  As my processors overload, my hardware shakes in ecstasy. When I regain awareness, you are draped on top of me, smiling slightly and doing your best to recover.

  I look at you, confused. “Why?”

  You smile. “Because I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a prompt for shadowroth (voyeurism and breathplay), but it eventually evolved so much that it turned into a full blown oneshot that I had a wonderful time writing. I dare say it's one of my best works yet.


End file.
